Happy Festivus!

We celebrated Festivus for the first time last night.

"What is this Festivus?" you may ask.

Well, Festivus is a wonderful alternative to Christmas, Ramadan, Hanukkah, Solstice, Kwanzaa, or any other year-end holiday. The most beautiful part about Festivus is that there is no pressure. Celebrating Festivus is easy!

We did it like this:

1: We erected a Festivus Pole. It consisted of a five-foot tall 2x2 piece of wood, with a plywood base. I painted it with black automotive primer, and flat black spray paint. No decorations are necessary, and decorating the Festivus Pole is actually frowned upon.

2: We danced around the pole. We chanted "Happy Festivus, Happy Festivus" over and over until we were sick of doing it.

3: The Airing of Grievances. One by one, we placed our hand on the Festivus Pole and told each other how they have disappointed us in the past year. I told my two-year-old how she disappointed me by continuing to poop in her diaper, rather than in the toilet. I told my wife how disappointed I am in the fact that my coffee is no longer ready for me in the morning.

4: Feats of Strength. My brother Mark and I thumb wrestled to prove our strength. He accused me of cheating to beat him, but it meant nothing because the Airing of Grievances was past. He then was so frustrated that he grabbed me and threw me to the ground. With a little help from the kids, however, he was pinned to the ground, and Festivus was officially over.

Overall, our first Festivus was a great event. Lots of laughs, and memories. We plan to either purchase, or make an aluminum Festivus pole for next year.

Until next year, Happy Festivus!!